Self-Respecting Robot

[Cheffy]

You are a RENOWNED GOURMET CHEF. When your CIRCUITRY was working correctly you could PREPARE vast quantities of DELICIOUS FOOD at once, feeding an entire crew at once.  Those days have passed.

your ESCAPE POD has crashed down hard in a desolate forest. as you had neglected to apply safety first, you were not properly secured in your seating arrangement.  your finely tuned protocols no longer fit in your memory banks.  now you recall that you can GLAZE customers in vast quantities of oil, rendering them a captive audience for your delicious PREPARED MEALS.  You also feel the need to raise any customer's body temperature to well above 300°F, SEARING them to perfection.  You see nothing wrong with this.

The majority of the ESCAPE POD is trashed. Obvious possessions are your TRUSTY CLEAVER and a suspicious MEAT CUBE that you do not recognize.  

The pod door is jammed and only partially open. You can see the last dregs of sunset creeping in. The pod is fairly cramped; you will have a difficult time maneuvering in here.

You are leaking oil.

>_

[WyvernSlayer]

Oh awesome, I love Mad Libs.

Lemme try:

Quote:You are a STRUGGLING DOOR-TO-DOOR SALESMAN. When your MOJO was working correctly you could PEDDLE vast quantities of PENIS ENLARGEMENT PILLS at once, feeding an entire crew at once.  Those days have passed.

your RED WAGON has crashed down hard in a desolate forest. as you had neglected to apply safety first, you were not properly secured in your seating arrangement.  your finely tuned WALKIE-TALKIE no longer fits in your POCKET.  now you recall that you can WOO customers with vast quantities of DIRT, rendering them a captive audience for your delicious BODY.  You also feel the need to raise any customer's body temperature to well above 300°F, DISROBING them to perfection.  You see nothing wrong with this.

The majority of the AUDIENCE is trashed. Obvious possessions are your ROBE and a suspicious WEIRD TOE SHOE that you do not recognize.  

The pod door is jammed and only partially open. You can see the last dregs of sunset creeping in. The pod is fairly cramped; you will have a difficult time maneuvering in here.

You are leaking      .

>_

[Cheffy]

Quote:now you recall that you can WOO customers with vast quantities of DIRT, rendering them a captive audience for your delicious BODY. You also feel the need to raise any customer's body temperature to well above 300°F, DISROBING them to perfection. You see nothing wrong with this.

I lost, you win. Laughing far more than appropriate.

[WyvernSlayer]

I figured there was some kind of reference that I wasn't getting, so I got involved the only way I know how!

[Cheffy]

well I was expecting someone to input a command. Or am I old for assuming " >_ " implied that?

[Swift_Assassin]

Maybe it would have been more apparent if it was flickering like in a real text box.

[Cheffy]

(05-20-2016, 12:20 AM)Swift_Assassin Wrote: Maybe it would have been more apparent if it was flickering like in a real text box.

If we had a white background, or if I had any artistic skill, I could do it.

[WyvernSlayer]

>GO NORTH_

[Mizu]

This is fun. Lol We should have forum games that we can play with all four of our active members. Rofl

[Cheffy]

(05-20-2016, 08:12 AM)WyvernSlayer Wrote: >GO NORTH_

The JAMMED DOOR opens barely enough for you to squeeze out. In your damaged state, you would likely lose additional oil and possibly some components. Proceed? (Y/N)

(05-20-2016, 11:21 PM)Mizu Wrote: This is fun. Lol We should have forum games that we can play with all four of our active members. Rofl

You know of your CLEAVER, your MEAT CUBE, and YOUR FANTASTIC SELF. Who is the fourth component you speak of? Your components were designed for COOKING DELICIOUS MEALS out of CUSTOMERS, not introspection. Wait, what?

Your processor hurts.



The sunset is fading. You can see stars that you do not recognize appearing in the darkening sky.

>_ |

[WyvernSlayer]

>N

>GET DAGGER_

[Cheffy]

(05-22-2016, 04:45 PM)WyvernSlayer Wrote: >GET DAGGER_

You equip a RUSTY KNIFE. It still drips with blood, despite the fact that no CUSTOMERS are nearby.

(05-22-2016, 04:45 PM)WyvernSlayer Wrote: >N

You force yourself through the JAMMED DOOR, irreparably damaging it in the process.  You take significant damage when you scrape yourself through the too-small opening. you are now dripping oil from your chest, back, and offhand. your Cleaving arm is undamaged.

You are unable to discern direction, so you barrel straight forward.  you discover a native LEMURIAN. It appears hostile.

Visual Scan:



>_ |

[Mizu]

>PET LEMURIAN_

[Cheffy]

(05-25-2016, 12:46 AM)Mizu Wrote: >PET LEMURIAN_

You approach the LEMURIAN with an empty hand.
It takes a decidedly hostile stance.



Oh dear it's jaw shouldn't be that large.
It's suddenly-enlarged mouth closes with a satisfying SNAP.



You bound away just in time!



You are a CHEF, not an ATHLETE.
You stumble.




You immediately regret this decision.

>_ |

[WyvernSlayer]

What the fuck I said no! I said don't go through the door!

Anyways... Lemurian, Lemurian... OH. I know!

>PSYNERGY
|_>CAST PYROCLASM

[Cheffy]

(05-25-2016, 07:42 AM)WyvernSlayer Wrote: What the fuck I said [ ERROR READING INPUT AT 0x00439ef1 ] door!
Anyways... Lemurian, Lemurian... OH.  I know!

>PSYNERGY

This makes no sense. You are certainly going mad from a lack of proper mental lubrication.
But then...

(05-25-2016, 07:42 AM)WyvernSlayer Wrote: |_>CAST PYROCLASM

Let's do this.





That worked better than expected.
Your MEAT CUBE grows a DELICIOUS OILY TUMOR.
You gain 10 EXP.
You find 5 COINS

The LEMURIAN drops a CHEST.  You aren't sure how it was carrying that.. Probably in the same place it was keeping its absurd jaws.



>_|

[Mizu]

>_MOURN LEMURIAN

>_OPEN CHEST